It’s 11:33 in the midnight yet she doesn’t feel sleepy. She wants to go to the rooftop, play guitar and sing a song but it may disturb others. So she had no choice but to let her hands dance in the keyboard to shout her sentiment. She wishes it has voices to sound it to him. She wishes she can be completely honest.
Actually, she can’t determine if it is her heart that is aching or maybe just her wildest ego. But surely she will never get any peace if she refuses to admit where she’s going through. A while ago somebody told her that the man whom she admires no longer like her. At first, she tried to paper over the awkwardness. But when message totally sinks in, she was dumbfounded. How she love to say, before he gets over, she already done. But she didn’t like to pretend and deceive herself. She hates pride and she thinks she should confess the feeling is killing her inside!
A man caught her eyes when they first met in the seminar. Few months past they met each other in summer camp. After that they became friends. She doesn’t know what kind of air brought him to message her. Maybe because he found out she is taking Education course, the same as he finished. He offered help in her subjects. Whenever she needs it, the man tried to help. But the lady asked help beyond academic; even though she doesn’t have prior knowing about him, she found it very easy to open her burden to him. Which is erratic because the woman trust is set for few. That woman fell blindly on her feelings. Even she knows when the fragile clay pot fall, it breaks.
Somehow the lady attempted to fix herself and fight against her deceiving heart. She can never forget the day she saw the man in the bookstore. Though it was a great chance to get close again, she decided to remain on distant and finally leave the place carrying five books and her very own feelings. It was hard, it is undeniably painful.
Yet God intended everything for good. Maybe she’s upset tonight but she needs to go through with this. The lady needs to pour out her alabaster, her very own heart not to someone but to Jesus alone.
For the meantime, she had to shrug off her pride and accept her sadness so she can rediscover joy. It doesn’t matter whether the man like her before or not, what matter is that the lady wants to glorify God by preserving herself.
She had to be satisfied without swaying her attention to someone else. She knows when she learn to completely love the Lord, she’s not gonna raise even a single finger just to have her God’s best.
Truly she is thankful that God is doing this earlier to avoid too much casualty. She doesn’t regret that she met him. She will still save the friendship but stay no longer so closed.
Ladies, a princess of God doesn’t need to rush and dictate what the Potter must shape and design. If we will keep doing it, we’ll only get ruined. We will only get hurt. What we must learn is to honor God’s incredible skill of making a clay pot. Why clay pot? Because we are easy gets broken yet we are subject for remolding.
Instead of being inattentive and impatient, why don’t we focus on Jesus as He creates different areas of our lives? Behold He will make everything new.
Written last January 28, 2016