Okay let’s get straight to the point, my name is Princess, I’m 21 years old and I was molested when I was 10 years old. From then on I decided to become boyish, it is not like I want to engage in homosexuality, it just that after the incident, I told myself I want to act like a boy, speak like them and dressed up like them.
Growing up is frustrating. I want to become strong, strong enough to break the bones of whoever wants to touch me. I joined Taekwondo to protect myself, apparently, I ended up hurting all my boy’s classmates and even my siblings. I became CAT officer, SSG officer and joined different organizations at school to keep myself busy so I may not be still and run empty.
Somehow, I tried to cure myself. Reading becomes my escaped, my cure whenever insomnia visited me, my alibi when I want to shut myself from people, books means the world to me. See my social life is limited. I don’t trust people or having fun with girls because all they do is to talk about boys and I don’t feel like I’m gonna fit it. I never be into a relationship with the people I like, why I possessed the title of being NBSB is because I’m too afraid to put my strong defenses for a man.
Regrets, anger, fear and pride that how I drive my life. Regret because I wish it doesn’t happen to me, anger because I almost became man-hater and it triggers me whenever I heard on News that someone is sexually abused. Fear because I’m afraid to open up and pride because I refuse to forgive and I don’t like asking help to somebody.
That’s my life before. It was dull and no direction. In just one event someone ruined my life but in just an encounter my life goes in proper track.
Six years ago, November 26, I accepted Jesus Christ, my Owner, my Freedom, my Peace, and Lord. Yet it has never been easy to become a Christian. First of all, Jesus says we must forgive so we will be forgiven. Forgiveness you don’t give you don’t get. It was cause and effect and seriously talking about forgiveness? I may say it is a decision more than a feeling. We must not wait for the pain and resentment to disappear so we can forgive.
Forgiveness is one of the precious things in the world. People don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve it, the person who did to me worst thing don’t deserve it, you don’t deserve it but it is given. Because Someone Who don’t deserve to die paid the price.
Jesus, the Son of God shed blood so we could have a new life, a life without guilt, fear, anger and pride. A life that’s not just connected to Him but intimate to Him. We all have different stories of life and it is used to glorify Him. What’s yours?